A Net in Time

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Parenting Series

Parenting Series: Lost

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Our children aren’t just badly behaved at times, they are individuals lost in sin. Everything they do stems from that condition.   

This means you need to think about what a lost child needs.
1. Insight.  They need to see how they need your oversight and protection.  They need to understand that what they are fighting is the sin that is within them.

2. Compassion.  One doesn’t get mad at a lost child, or scold them for being lost.  One offers aid to a lost child, doing their best to have them become found.

3. Hope.  As children begin to realize their lost condition, we can have hope.  We are then in a position to show them the help that is available to them. God sent his son to redeem them, all they need to do is call out to him for help and believe that he’ll do so.

4. Rescue.  Parenting is a heart-rescue mission.  We can’t force our children to turn to the Lord God.  All we can do is point the way.  We can address their heart issues, and praying that God will open their eyes and heart to him.

5. Wisdom.  Teaching our children how to say no.  To say no to sin, to the temptation to behave in ways they shouldn’t.   This is an important concept to teach them.

I have found this chapter falls into line with the rest of the book.  The realization that we are no different from our children, and like them we have need for insight, hope, rescue, compassion and wisdom.  We so need God’s intervention in our lives.

If we know this and truly accept it, then it makes it easier for us to offer it to our children don’t you think?

To follow along in the rest of the series, go here.  

If you want to join in, amazon affiliate links below.

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Parenting Series: Process

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I don’t know about you, but ah.. sometimes I just want my child to be different, to change their behaviour right now.  To have the light at the end of the tunnel be right there with me.  

To not have to punish, “have long talks with”,  shake my head in frustration (or bang it against the wall)…. I want that change and I want it now.

But one thing I’ve learned…change isn’t like that.  It’s a whole process.  That is what David Tripp wants to talk to us about in this chapter.  How change is a process not this instantaneous event.

Mr. Tripp reminds us to look to our own life.  Does God make sudden changes in our life for the most part?   Or is the change in our behaviour a more gradual one?  Generally the latter right?  

I know it’s true in my own life.  I don’t suddenly start realizing all the time, the depth of God’s love for me.  I forget and need to be reminded, and at times it hits me hard about how much he cares for me and ergo, how hard should it be for me to change something I do in response to that great love?   How hard is it really to behold his glory and to be changed by it?   

Seeing that level of forgetfulness in myself helps me have compassion for my lad who struggles as well…and doesn’t have the experience under his belt that I do.   It helps me to stop and take a breath and explain to him yet again that I will ALWAYS forgive him if he’s sorry for his actions.  To ask him again, how will he turn from his wrong ways to seek to do what is right?   

Having that in mind, Mr. Tripp reminds us of three tenets of parenting
1. You need to parent with a process mentality.  Don’t look for sudden change but long-term change.  Parenting is a day by day, bit by bit method of caring for those in your care.
2. You need to see parenting as one unending conversation.  God put your child in your family for a reason.  So you don’t have that pressure of wanting instantaneous change.  Therefore you know that every conversation, every disciplinary action, every moment you spend with your children is just another link in the chain of change.
3. You need to parent with a project mentality.  Change is always a process, this gives you a chance to look for points of influence instead of just reacting to what’s in front of you.  Be the point of change. 

I have to admit, it’s SO easy to ignore all that and just react to what’s going on in the family.  It is!   But seriously… is it for the long-term good of those we parent?  We need to exemplify God in our actions… living by the gifts he has given us, showing the fruits of the spirit in our actions and words. 

It’s a process of grace.  God’s grace bestowed upon us his beloved children, let us then show that grace to our young. 

For the rest of the series go here.   

If you want to join in, amazon affiliate links below.

Amazon.ca:  Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

Amazon.com:  Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

This post may contain affiliate links – using affiliate links from A Net in Time helps fuel this blog and our homeschool – thank you!

©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time/

Parenting Series – Identity

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I have to admit, I struggled with this chapter.  
That when I am hurt by my son, that it’s an identity issue not a love issue.   
Hmmm..

Tripp gave what I thought was a rather extreme example…so I felt this disconnect to be honest.  I don’t drive my lad to succeed.

So if your child hurts you by saying something insensitive… if we find our identity in Christ then what?   It doesn’t hurt???  AH… if you are immersed deeply in the love of God, if you are resting securely in the deep deep love he has for you, then the small hurts of this world don’t matter so much.

Now that kinda makes sense eh?

What your children become doesn’t define you.
What they do for a living, how they make life decisions, does not define you.
As Christian believing parents, what should define us is a deep relationship with the Lord God who saved us.  The one who brings true meaning to our life. 

So what are the warning signs that we are seeking our identity through our children?
1. Focus on success.
2. Focus on reputation.
3. A desire for control.
4. A Focus on what you DO what than who you ARE. 
5. Making it personal when decisions or actions are taken counter to what you expected.

Hmm…that last one eh?  At least for me.. makes me think.  Need to change up some of my thinking, and see God more clearly before I react with too much sensitivity to my lad and my man.   God calls me to be better than that!

Want to follow along?
Amazon.ca – Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

Amazon.com – Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

This post may contain affiliate links – using affiliate links from A Net in Time helps fuel this blog and our homeschool – thank you!

©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time/

Parenting Series: Inability

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Parenting is hard work you know?   REALLY hard work.   It’s hard to balance out my needs, my hubby’s needs AND the needs of my offspring.   It’s outstanding the needs that have to be balanced and something will fall short…. guaranteed.

And that’s not a bad thing you know?

It’s shows our weakness, our frailty, our need for Christ’s redemptive work in our lives…not just in the lives of our children…but in the lives of us the parents!   It’s essential to be aware of that.

Our weakness is a good thing.

Sometimes though it’s hard to recognize our weaknesses.  

Did you know that many parents use three ways to help train their children?
1. Fear.  Like when you threaten to ground your child for months, or when you threaten to remove a bed from a child with a perpetually messy bed.   Fear promotes external change, not heart and attitude change.  It’s “act so that the bad thing doesn’t happen” not because their heart leads them to act in a better manner.

2. Reward.   Do this ______ and I will give you _______.   Again, promotes external change but doesn’t really promote heart change.  Promotes the cost analysis factor in children.  If the reward for x is this, then if I want y what is the least I can do to gain it?

3. Shame.  “how could you”  “I never would have dreamed of…”  Using your past or exaggerating a present to make the child feel bad about what they do.  Causes your child to feel shame by association to you.

All these methods do have their moments of effectiveness….but they don’t really change the heart.  
And we CAN”T change the hearts of our children.
Therein lies our weakness.

We can’t change the hearts of our children, all we can do is call out to God for help.  To give us insight into the hearts and minds of our children so we can guide them into the future of loving God and being led by him.

We need to recognize this truth “Because as parents we serve a gloriously loving and powerful Redeemer.  He loves our children infinitely more than we do and as evidence of that love, he has placed them in a family of  faith where the story of his love will be heard again and again.  He has the power beyond our ability to understand…. In grace he will never turn his back on your cries as a parent and on your children’s cries as they reach out for him.  He delights in love.  He delights in reconciliation.   He delights in repentance and change.   He delights in showering his power down on his children to do for them what is his will, but what they cannot do for themselves.”  p.69.

In the end we have to realize, that even if we don’t have all the answers, even if we get things wrong, we don’t have to fret!   If we turn to God and lean on him, he’ll help us through it.  He’s got our backs.  He wants what is best for us and for our children.   He is the only one with the power to make a difference.

Therein, lies his grace.

———

I was talking with my lad today about this chapter.   Because it makes sense right?  That it’s not up to me to change his heart…that I can do things to hopefully influence his thought processes, but it’s not up to me to change him, to cause him to all the more seek after God’s own heart.    When I said “Lad, if I raise my voice at you…does it change your behaviour in your heart?  OR does it just make you want to stop doing what you are doing at the moment?   Does it change what you do in the future?”   He honestly didn’t know, but I could see the wheels turning in his brain.  🙂   It’s good to talk about these things with a growing boy, to help him see my need for God’s grace even as I parent him.

Want to follow along?
Amazon.ca – Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

Amazon.com – Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

This post may contain affiliate links – using affiliate links from A Net in Time helps fuel this blog and our homeschool – thank you!

©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time/

Parenting book series: Law

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Fact
Our children need God’s Law.   They do.  The law teaches us what sin is.   It’s an important part of our lives as believers.   There is wisdom and conviction in the Law of God. 

BUT
The law isn’t the whole answer.

The law can tell us what sin is and can be a tool of conviction BUT it cannot ever deliver us from the sin that it points out to us.  It just can’t.

Which shows us the essential nature of grace. Oh how we need grace, grace that shows us our need for the law is just as great as that of our children.

The answer:
Show the gospel to your children.  Preach it to them.  Talk about it with them.  Show them God in action in their every day lives.  Show them how much YOU need to be parented by God even as you parent them.   

My thoughts
Ah… I read these words and they resonate in my being.   It’s how I’ve been trying HARD to parent, but oh man.. it’s hard to help a lad see both sides of the picture.  But then again it’s hard for me to do that as well.  To see God’s grace in equal measure to my need for his law.  So I suppose that is something I can work on with my boy as well.  To not be frivolous with the understanding grace and how it works with law.

What do you think?  How do you balance the need for the law with the essentials of grace?

Want to follow along in the book?   Here’s where you can find it.

Amazon.com – Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

 Amazon.ca – Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

This post may contain affiliate links – using affiliate links from A Net in Time helps fuel this blog and our homeschool – thank you! ©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time/

Parenting: Grace

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 Every three weeks or so I will be working through Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles. I hope you will join me. You can find the rest of the series here.   This week the chapter is Grace. 

Principle: God never calls you to a task without giving you what you need to do it. He never sends you without going with you. 

I am convicted by this statement
“There is nothing more important to consistent, faithful, patient, loving, and effective parenting than to understand what God has given you in the grace of his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ.” p. 34

One needs to understand that we not only need past grace and future grace, but we need the present grace that God offers us in the here and now.  The grace to see God in our temper, in our wanting a break, in our dealing with a rebellious child and more.   God’s grace is right there minding us.  We need to know that God gives us what we need to parent the children that he has given us.

The feeling of inadequacy that we have as parents is there because we are supposed to feel that way.  It helps us to do what we are supposed to… RELY on God for help. 

God wants us to rely on him, NOT to feel able and like we don’t need him.  This is one way he shows his grace and goodness to us. It’s how his glory is made manisfest.

Eph. 3:20-21 
20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

See the truth there?   GOD is able to do it far more abundantly than we ever give him credit for.   Think on it eh?   Why don’t we do that?  Why don’t we talk to him more often when we are struggling in our parenting duties?  Why don’t we remember God’s grace and help and his hope more often?  

I think it would make our job of parenting easier if we turned to God more often eh?  If we remembered he is our ever present help in times of trouble.

Consider this fact, “My children don’t cause me to do and say what I do and say.  No, the cause of my actions is found inside my own heart.  My children are simply the occasion where my heart reveals itself in words and actions”.  (p 41).  We are not better than our children, just older with more experience, but still fighting the sin within us. 

I have found it to be true… that God’s grace changes you as a parent.  It has forced me to grow and become more reliant upon him.   It is like God is parenting me as I parent my son.   He parents all parents as they guide, lead, discipline, show the way to their own children.  He is our father.  Let him be your father as you parent your children.  Yes, mistakes will happen, regrets will be there, but through God you will learn tenderness and compassion, you will learn to give grace and receive it all the more.

If you’d like to follow along, amazon affiliate links:
Amazon.ca: Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

Amazon.com: Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

This post may contain affiliate links – using affiliate links from A Net in Time helps fuel this blog and our homeschool – thank you!

©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time/

Parenting: Calling

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Every three weeks or so I will be working through Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles. I hope you will join me. You can find the rest of the series here. 

This second chapter is entitled Calling. 

This chapter starts with this statement “Nothing is more important in your life than being one of God’s tools to form a human soul.”

I had to think about that a spell.  

That’s what Christian parenting is all about.  Being used of God in the formation of a new human soul that follows after him.

In this chapter he spoke to the issues of parents not actually doing the job of parenting because their work gets in the way.   They sent their young off to school or to day care or to whatever because they are unwilling or perhaps not aware of the need to be around for their children.  This work can be a paying job or a ministry focus.

Gods’ call to leaders is this “lead your family well”. 

We are asked to look to our lives and see what calls us away from this duty to parent our children well. 

Our primary purpose is to instill God-consciousness and God-submission in our children.   To make them aware of who God is, and he has a calling for each of us.    Rules for us to live by.

I found this statement interesting 
“Children who don’t acknowledge God will act as if they are God and will resist the help and rescue that God has provide for them through their parents.”  (p 31)

I have seen this with my lad.  The more aware he becomes of God and who he is, the more he is willing to accede that maybe we, his parents, have something of value to add to the discussion.  Things to make him think and ponder upon.   It’s part of our job you know?   To say “child of mine…this is God.   This God of ours is a God filled with grace and wonder and might”.   To show him/her where you catch glimpses of God.

Most recently for us this has taken place with our study on Otters.   God gave them a little flap that goes over their nose, and another in their inner ear that automatically work when they go diving.  Not only that, he’s given sea otters a patch of loose skin under their armpit so they can carry a useful rock when they going hunting.   Isn’t that simply amazing how God did this for a critter?