A Net in Time

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Parenting

Parenting Series: Character

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Imagine you are working hard, getting frazzled because you have too much to do with not enough time to do it.  Your family is home and is just letting you do your thing (being frazzled and worried) as they do their own thing.  Is this right?

No.  They are showing their lack of concern for you by their lack of action.

I have to admit, I struggle with this one in my household.  Both my fellows will say “but if you want our help just ask”….And it seems to me uncaring that they don’t volunteer… or they will do as very little as they can get away with.   Drives me nuts.

Is that a character thing?   I don’t know.   So I struggle with it.  I can see their point.  If I’m struggling I should “man up” and just ask for help cause honestly…how are they supposed to read my mind?   They can’t.  They know I am fully capable of getting things done and sometimes I do so in a frazzled manner as just part of me living life.  (and I’m sure many other folks do the same). Their point is valid then is it not?  Shouldn’t that frazzled mom say “HEY!  Kids, I need some help in here, I can’t manage it all.  You Joey, sweep the floor.  Amy, set the table.  Jeff… get this dog out of my way!”.   

Could it be a character flaw?  hmm..  can be argued.  🙂   Doesn’t change Mr. Tripp’s premise though.  Sometimes lack of character is why children don’t do (and adults) don’t do some of the things they aught to.   So how does one deal with it?

Step one: admit that you need the Lord to help you with your character as well. Seriously, we all have “stuff” that we mess up with.

Step two: don’t be afraid to admit this to your children.

Step three: see lack of character for what it is… a lack of worship and connection to God. Romans 1 tells us that people make a choice to turn away from God.  They want to be in control, doing what they want, believing a lie, but content within that.  When people show a lack of character they are revealing who is most important in their lives AT THAT MOMENT.

Step Four: point out that idolatry of self.  Point the way back to seeing God in his grace, God giving up his son for us, so that we can have a right relationship with him. 

Step Five: see that just as God is molding you into his image, you can help your children see how they too need to be molded into the image of God.

Character Development.  See God or see yourself?  Be molded.
Want to follow along?  Amazon affiliate links below.

Amazon.ca:  Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

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©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time . We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites

Parenting Series: Foolishness

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Foolishness, it’s in all of us.  It’s readily apparent in our children when they argue with us, when they insist on doing what they want, when one event seems the most important thing ever, and so forth.  Foolishness is evident everywhere.

So the question we need to ask, from what does foolishness stem from?   From the heart.

Proverbs 4:23 tells us “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Make the heart your priority.  ALWAYS.  Focus on the heart.  See the heart when you discipline your children, not just their actions, but their heart.

How do you do this?
1. remind yourself over and over and over again…it’s the heart you are after, not the actions.
2. lasting change ALWAYS happens through the heart. Always.  

You don’t want to help create a stone heart, one that is hard and set.  You want your children to have soft hearts, malleable to the will of God. 

Knowing that you are a fool, parenting a fool, how then do you parent?
1. Glory.  Show your child a higher better glory.  Letting them see God’s awesomeness so it will be easier for them to submit to God’s law.  The more we see God the less apt we are to be foolish.
2. Wisdom.  Let your child see God’s wisdom at work and how it far surpasses our own.  Tell your children how wonderful it is to rely on God’s wisdom.
3. Story.   Tell the story of Jesus over and over and over again. Tell of how he’s acted in your life and the lives of people you know.   Make sure they know the stories of faith. 
4. Welcome.  Oh.. let them know how God gives them welcome.  How he invites them. Tell them that message of salvation over and over and over again.

But mostly remember this.  God is a God of grace.  He freely extends it. His grace is always extended toward his children of faith.

 Want to follow along?  Amazon affiliate links below.

Amazon.ca:  Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

Amazon.com: Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

This post may contain affiliate links – using affiliate links from A Net in Time helps fuel this blog and our homeschool – thank you!

©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time . We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites

Parenting Series: Authority

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Authority.

We all fight it. 

We fight it tooth and nail, so why shouldn’t our children be any different?

We all have the same heart condition.  A desire to do what we want to do and not do what anyone else wants us to do.  Even the people pleasers among us please us because it serves us well to do so. 

We all have this need, this push for self-rule.

The only one who can truly deal with this “I want to be in control” part of us is Jesus.  God’s grace is what helps us.    

Knowing that.. what is our “job” as parents?

To teach our children to obey our authority as this teaches them how to obey God’s authority.   So as we exercise our authority as ambassadors of Christ, we are doing the work of the gospel.  

Remember whom we represent to our children, if we are raising them in a godly household.  We represent God.  That should influence our every relationship.

So how do we help our children see their need for God?
 – Help them understand why they do what they do
 – Establish your authority early in the little things.
 – Help your children see their heart in their actions
 – Be consistent in your exercising of authority…not affected by your mood, emotions, health, time etc.  Be consistent as God would be. 
 – Point your children to the hope of the Lord, how God is the one who changes hearts and minds. 

I can’t say this was the easiest chapter to work through. 

it’s given me ideas about how I can keep talking with my lad about his heart and how that ties in with his actions.  I need to keep talking about the hope that is found in the Lord.  Not just focusing on the moment, but on the forever.

Want to follow along?  Amazon affiliate links below.

Amazon.ca:  Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

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This post may contain affiliate links – using affiliate links from A Net in Time helps fuel this blog and our homeschool – thank you!

©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time . We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites

Parenting Series: Lost

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Our children aren’t just badly behaved at times, they are individuals lost in sin. Everything they do stems from that condition.   

This means you need to think about what a lost child needs.
1. Insight.  They need to see how they need your oversight and protection.  They need to understand that what they are fighting is the sin that is within them.

2. Compassion.  One doesn’t get mad at a lost child, or scold them for being lost.  One offers aid to a lost child, doing their best to have them become found.

3. Hope.  As children begin to realize their lost condition, we can have hope.  We are then in a position to show them the help that is available to them. God sent his son to redeem them, all they need to do is call out to him for help and believe that he’ll do so.

4. Rescue.  Parenting is a heart-rescue mission.  We can’t force our children to turn to the Lord God.  All we can do is point the way.  We can address their heart issues, and praying that God will open their eyes and heart to him.

5. Wisdom.  Teaching our children how to say no.  To say no to sin, to the temptation to behave in ways they shouldn’t.   This is an important concept to teach them.

I have found this chapter falls into line with the rest of the book.  The realization that we are no different from our children, and like them we have need for insight, hope, rescue, compassion and wisdom.  We so need God’s intervention in our lives.

If we know this and truly accept it, then it makes it easier for us to offer it to our children don’t you think?

To follow along in the rest of the series, go here.  

If you want to join in, amazon affiliate links below.

Amazon.ca:  Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

Amazon.com:  Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

This post may contain affiliate links – using affiliate links from A Net in Time helps fuel this blog and our homeschool – thank you!

©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time/ We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an
affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn
fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites

Parenting Series: Process

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I don’t know about you, but ah.. sometimes I just want my child to be different, to change their behaviour right now.  To have the light at the end of the tunnel be right there with me.  

To not have to punish, “have long talks with”,  shake my head in frustration (or bang it against the wall)…. I want that change and I want it now.

But one thing I’ve learned…change isn’t like that.  It’s a whole process.  That is what David Tripp wants to talk to us about in this chapter.  How change is a process not this instantaneous event.

Mr. Tripp reminds us to look to our own life.  Does God make sudden changes in our life for the most part?   Or is the change in our behaviour a more gradual one?  Generally the latter right?  

I know it’s true in my own life.  I don’t suddenly start realizing all the time, the depth of God’s love for me.  I forget and need to be reminded, and at times it hits me hard about how much he cares for me and ergo, how hard should it be for me to change something I do in response to that great love?   How hard is it really to behold his glory and to be changed by it?   

Seeing that level of forgetfulness in myself helps me have compassion for my lad who struggles as well…and doesn’t have the experience under his belt that I do.   It helps me to stop and take a breath and explain to him yet again that I will ALWAYS forgive him if he’s sorry for his actions.  To ask him again, how will he turn from his wrong ways to seek to do what is right?   

Having that in mind, Mr. Tripp reminds us of three tenets of parenting
1. You need to parent with a process mentality.  Don’t look for sudden change but long-term change.  Parenting is a day by day, bit by bit method of caring for those in your care.
2. You need to see parenting as one unending conversation.  God put your child in your family for a reason.  So you don’t have that pressure of wanting instantaneous change.  Therefore you know that every conversation, every disciplinary action, every moment you spend with your children is just another link in the chain of change.
3. You need to parent with a project mentality.  Change is always a process, this gives you a chance to look for points of influence instead of just reacting to what’s in front of you.  Be the point of change. 

I have to admit, it’s SO easy to ignore all that and just react to what’s going on in the family.  It is!   But seriously… is it for the long-term good of those we parent?  We need to exemplify God in our actions… living by the gifts he has given us, showing the fruits of the spirit in our actions and words. 

It’s a process of grace.  God’s grace bestowed upon us his beloved children, let us then show that grace to our young. 

For the rest of the series go here.   

If you want to join in, amazon affiliate links below.

Amazon.ca:  Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

Amazon.com:  Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

This post may contain affiliate links – using affiliate links from A Net in Time helps fuel this blog and our homeschool – thank you!

©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time/

Parenting Series – Identity

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I have to admit, I struggled with this chapter.  
That when I am hurt by my son, that it’s an identity issue not a love issue.   
Hmmm..

Tripp gave what I thought was a rather extreme example…so I felt this disconnect to be honest.  I don’t drive my lad to succeed.

So if your child hurts you by saying something insensitive… if we find our identity in Christ then what?   It doesn’t hurt???  AH… if you are immersed deeply in the love of God, if you are resting securely in the deep deep love he has for you, then the small hurts of this world don’t matter so much.

Now that kinda makes sense eh?

What your children become doesn’t define you.
What they do for a living, how they make life decisions, does not define you.
As Christian believing parents, what should define us is a deep relationship with the Lord God who saved us.  The one who brings true meaning to our life. 

So what are the warning signs that we are seeking our identity through our children?
1. Focus on success.
2. Focus on reputation.
3. A desire for control.
4. A Focus on what you DO what than who you ARE. 
5. Making it personal when decisions or actions are taken counter to what you expected.

Hmm…that last one eh?  At least for me.. makes me think.  Need to change up some of my thinking, and see God more clearly before I react with too much sensitivity to my lad and my man.   God calls me to be better than that!

Want to follow along?
Amazon.ca – Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

Amazon.com – Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

This post may contain affiliate links – using affiliate links from A Net in Time helps fuel this blog and our homeschool – thank you!

©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time/

Parenting Series: Inability

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Parenting is hard work you know?   REALLY hard work.   It’s hard to balance out my needs, my hubby’s needs AND the needs of my offspring.   It’s outstanding the needs that have to be balanced and something will fall short…. guaranteed.

And that’s not a bad thing you know?

It’s shows our weakness, our frailty, our need for Christ’s redemptive work in our lives…not just in the lives of our children…but in the lives of us the parents!   It’s essential to be aware of that.

Our weakness is a good thing.

Sometimes though it’s hard to recognize our weaknesses.  

Did you know that many parents use three ways to help train their children?
1. Fear.  Like when you threaten to ground your child for months, or when you threaten to remove a bed from a child with a perpetually messy bed.   Fear promotes external change, not heart and attitude change.  It’s “act so that the bad thing doesn’t happen” not because their heart leads them to act in a better manner.

2. Reward.   Do this ______ and I will give you _______.   Again, promotes external change but doesn’t really promote heart change.  Promotes the cost analysis factor in children.  If the reward for x is this, then if I want y what is the least I can do to gain it?

3. Shame.  “how could you”  “I never would have dreamed of…”  Using your past or exaggerating a present to make the child feel bad about what they do.  Causes your child to feel shame by association to you.

All these methods do have their moments of effectiveness….but they don’t really change the heart.  
And we CAN”T change the hearts of our children.
Therein lies our weakness.

We can’t change the hearts of our children, all we can do is call out to God for help.  To give us insight into the hearts and minds of our children so we can guide them into the future of loving God and being led by him.

We need to recognize this truth “Because as parents we serve a gloriously loving and powerful Redeemer.  He loves our children infinitely more than we do and as evidence of that love, he has placed them in a family of  faith where the story of his love will be heard again and again.  He has the power beyond our ability to understand…. In grace he will never turn his back on your cries as a parent and on your children’s cries as they reach out for him.  He delights in love.  He delights in reconciliation.   He delights in repentance and change.   He delights in showering his power down on his children to do for them what is his will, but what they cannot do for themselves.”  p.69.

In the end we have to realize, that even if we don’t have all the answers, even if we get things wrong, we don’t have to fret!   If we turn to God and lean on him, he’ll help us through it.  He’s got our backs.  He wants what is best for us and for our children.   He is the only one with the power to make a difference.

Therein, lies his grace.

———

I was talking with my lad today about this chapter.   Because it makes sense right?  That it’s not up to me to change his heart…that I can do things to hopefully influence his thought processes, but it’s not up to me to change him, to cause him to all the more seek after God’s own heart.    When I said “Lad, if I raise my voice at you…does it change your behaviour in your heart?  OR does it just make you want to stop doing what you are doing at the moment?   Does it change what you do in the future?”   He honestly didn’t know, but I could see the wheels turning in his brain.  🙂   It’s good to talk about these things with a growing boy, to help him see my need for God’s grace even as I parent him.

Want to follow along?
Amazon.ca – Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

Amazon.com – Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

This post may contain affiliate links – using affiliate links from A Net in Time helps fuel this blog and our homeschool – thank you!

©2006-2017 A Net In Time. All rights reserved. All text, photographs, artwork, and other content may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written consent of the author. A Net In Time/