Who is my influence?

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Boldly going where no one has gone before.
or not

As I think about the word influence, nothing comes to me beyond a vague wondering… what influences me? What shapes my words and actions. How do I put into words this vague fogginess of wondering?

Who is my influence? What makes an influence in my life?

Coming up unawares
I didn’t really notice until
I was mid-way through my 20’s
and I heard my mother’s words coming out of my mouth.
It shocked me.
Startling me into silence.
I hadn’t intended to ever sound like my mother.

Don’t misunderstand
My love for my mom runs fierce.
But teen years arguments and yelling
filled the spaces between us.
And yet, her words and her wisdom
keep flooding through my voice.
But memories sometimes
Fill my heart with pain.

I work best all on my own
I’ve known this to be true
Handed down from my father
Independently minded, not dealing well
with the pressures of others.
Along with a tisk and harumph
when things weren’t done right.

Shades of my father
pour through when I talk with my lad.
Sometimes he’s as lost as I was at his age
when a tisk and harumph
Make there way, but…
Unlike his mother my lad is bold and persistent
What Mom, why that noise?
And so my boy and I learn to
Actually WORK together,
talking, laughing, learning.

A blow to the gut
A whack upside the head
A pile and laughter and choking
So alone I feel
the butt of all jokes.
This influences me, even today some
(gasp) 50 years later.
Reminds me often, that life
Isn’t fair but it is manageable.

A cord runs through
One that helps me continually
To seek a different perspective.
A cord that holds me
And reminds me repeatedly
Because memories of anger and shouting
Hold me away sometimes
Yelling at God WHY why did you make me this way.

And he calls
and he holds and
he ALWAYS reminds.
Seek me, find me.
Part of the proof
That you are mine
And Never shall I let you Go
And never shall you be ever alone.

Influence like that
Runs deep.
Influence like that
Lets me love a boy child something fierce
Lets me hold a hubby close
Lets me remember family is ever important.

Influence, ah… surprises.

Won’t you join us in the five minute Friday writing community?  We are a fun group and Miss Kate is our leader.   This week the word is Influence.